The Fonz Is Cool

Hey folks, here the latest linoleum reduction cut print I did; it's The Fonz. (The Fonz is cool.)


The image size is 9x12 and The Fonz is cool.

Fits and Starts

Here's a screenprint I finished yesterday, if anybody gives a hoot. I also did a version that serves as a flyer for CMG & We Are The Night (a band I used to be in, but I'm not in it anymore).

Let this hereby also serve as a plug for their show:
CMG & We Are The Night
November 30th, 2008
Alex's Bar
Long Beach, CA

Opie and Andy and The Fonz endorse Obama

Dude. As I watched this, my eyes were watering and I experienced emotions that were probably best left unexperienced. You should really watch this; Andy Griffith is a true American saint.

"Well, Ope, people are funny...Sometimes change scares them, and they'd rather keep doing the same ol' thing that's been messing them up than change to the thing that can help them."

http://projects.newsobserver.com/under_the_dome/opie_and_andy_on_obama

Generations F through M

I've got a few prints in this show that's opening at the Long Beach State on Sunday:


There's always free snacks and wine at these things. Let's hope this time is no exception. There'll be, like, four different adjacent galleries with other shows, too.

Incidentally, I make prints, yes.

Ink2 Printmaking Exhibition
Opening Reception - Sunday, October 26, 5 to 7 PM
Cal State University, Long Beach
Dutzi Gallery

Yes, Virginia: (To Be Continued...)

Here are the main vague criteria that I use when I'm determining who to vote for:

1. The candidate has to have policies that more closely reflect my own beliefs than the other guy's policies.
2. I have to be ok with the idea of the candidate "representing (us to the rest of the world)."
   

There's lots of other details, but who cares. I'm mainly just trying to paint the picture that I'm voting for Obama, but not because he's black. I'm voting for him because of lots of stuff.

But I'm just saying, as an extra, extra added secret bonus: How can you resist helping elect the first black president ever, for christsake? You're cool with the idea of being 90 and having people ask you if you voted for the first black president ever, and you have to tell them that you voted for the cranky old white guy and the bimbo?

Dude.

The Boot & The Bonnet of It All

I'm sort of happy for the moment because, well, to make a long story short: The phone company didn't want to "credit" me back money that they fully were supposed "credit" back to me (or whatever, is credit even a verb?), and they completely were not going to do it at all, even after three emails back and forth where I was like, "Dude," but finally (because I knew I was right and I knew they had nothing on me) I was like all, "Sigh. This is taking waaay too much time, I'm totally just contacting the Better Business Bureau if you don't resolve this by Monday," (this was Friday, and I was actually paraphrasing, not quoting myself directly) and I had no idea whether or not that carried any water whatsoever, honestly, and I thought my threat might even elicit some hearty chuckles around the phone company water cooler (trying to keep the metaphors aquatic), but lo and behond, here it is Monday, and THAT's right.

I got a very polite and apologetic email from them saying they were going to undo all the charges and so sorry and jesus christ and everything. Who'd have thought it?

So, I'm just saying: Better Business Bureau. Right? Apparently.

(Insert prostitute-themed one-liner here).

Sense and Sensibilitude

Hear ye, hear ye: Here's a new Underwear Lane comic, which was made entirely from 100% love.

(click to make large)

Mother May I

I have created another Underwear Lane comic just for you (and a half-dozen or so striking steel workers, of all people).

(click to make large)

Two-fer For Sunday and Monday

I've never seen a UFO, but I really want to. I'm always able to swiftly identify the objects (Os), and it's a bit of a letdown each time.

And don't think I'm not open to the "power of suggestion," because I am. I'm also eager to jump to hasty conclusions if that's what it takes.

So please, Jesus: UFO.

Yeah Baby Austin Powers

New Underwear Lane comic:

I dare ya not to laugh.

The Miserables!

Here's some advice for the kids: All women are completely different.

I know this flies in the face of conventional man-wisdom, but I've honestly come to believe this. Women might as well all be members of different species.

However, guys are all the fucking, goddamn, jesus christ, son-of-a-b same.

pink moustache

I made this pink moustache, and I took a lot of pictures during the process. Some of the early shots vanished mysteriously. Boo. (Ghost boo, not opposite-of-yay boo.)

Please visit my flickr page for lots of juicy pictures of this baby at every stage.

Beech & Peach

I hate myspace and i've always hated it, even though I've had a myspace account for a long time. Way before you.

I started it as a joke. Back then nobody knew what it was, and a friend sent me a link to her myspace profile. I guess I made my own profile to sort of make fun of her a little bit, which seems sort of mean now.

And I'm guessing that the myspace people want their name to come across as if it's being cooed by a jet-age stewardess but it's always had stampy-foot-Shirley-Temple tantrum-y connotations for me. "Go away, you bad, bad man! This is MySpace! (italics mine)"

But now when I say I hate it, people look at me dumbfounded, like I said I hated air.

So I'm just going to hold my nose and force myself to go on there more often and integrate myself back into society.

Wish me luck!

BB Gun

Here is a brand new Underwear Lane comic just for you.

Some of the #1 Causes

Funny and spontaneous comedic riffings for you to quote with your friends at parties:

What on earth? "Death Chocolate?" No thanks!

"Bitch Pack!" What? And what is "Ass Garlic?" Is that even a thing? Sheesh.

Boy. Now I've heard everything! "Rectum?" Who'd want that?

Big Lily of the Big Valley (Girl)

And just 'cause I mentioned people having "crushes," it doesn't mean that I have a "crush" on anyone. It was like a joke or something. You know, like a "knock, knock" joke?

When someone tells a "knock, knock" joke, they're not actually knocking on a door. Ok? Get it?

Fifty points for anyone who can tell me what kind of fallacy I just committed. You know, red herring, straw man, slippery slope, etc.

(The three preceding paragraphs were designed to be read aloud in a Shining/Cuckoo's Nest-era Jack Nicholson impression. Live a little.)

Cat and Mouse and Dog

At what age are you too old to have "a crush?" Like, when you're 90, do you have "crushes" on people?

It's not "cool" to have "crushes." The Fonz never had "a crush" on someone.

I know, you're thinking he had "a crush" on Pinky, but he didn't. The Fonz had "a thing" for Pinky.

And that's a completely different thing.

Two-fer For Sunday

That's right, check it out: Two episodes of Underwear Lane for the low, low price of one.

We're trying to favor quantity over quality for a bit, to see how it goes.

Benchwarmer's Delight

When I was riding the shuttle at school today, an elderly black woman got on at one of the stops. She was well-dressed, with a cool early-60s hat, (but not the pillbox kind you're immediately imagining, but the other kind, more like a ladies' little lo-profile fedora) and two big bags of luggage. It's kind of unusual, because usually it's only college kids on the shuttle.

So I helped her with a bags a little bit, and I mean a very little bit, like to the extent that I was almost ashamed that I didn't help her more, but I had hesitated because most people don't like strangers all up in their crap.

So I help her and she starts talking to me about how it's so nice to see chivalry because she's from Tennessee ("There, a man is a MAN."), so I said something about how some women don't like it when men do chivalrous stuff because they find it demeaning and patronizing, so she starts talking about how men are not only physically stronger than women, but that men are also intellectually superior to women, and less prone to things like vanity.

Right? So of course I had to totally talk to her for the entire shuttle trip, during which time nobody else on the (jam packed) shuttle made a peep. That's the only reason this is worth mentioning at all, because there was so much pressure on me to entertain not only this woman, but all 50 people on the shuttle for the whole ride.

I did not ask to be put in this position. I shoulda been like all, "Lady, look: This requires more effort than I'm willing to expend right now, ok, so would you mind just selecting somebody else for this?"

Beach Blanket Alley

I was thinking about how we think of Donald Duck as sort of a "loser." Here are some possible reasons:
1. Really insecure
2. Has a Speech Impediment
3. Greedy
4. Has a bad temper

Don't you think that's kind of cruel for Disney to have created a character with so many problems? Isn't that really fucked up?

In a way Donald Duck's not really a loser though, because he rose to the top of the Disney pantheon from among many characters, most of whom are all but forgotten.

But still, that doesn't make it right.

New New New

Hey! Check out the all-new Underwear Lane comic. It's more fun than a barrel.

Ben Franklin Boogie

I've come up with a new "words to live by" children's limerick along the lines of, "God made the dirt and dirt don't (sic) hurt."

Here's mine: "God made poo, and it can't hurt you."

(Honestly, I'm not sure if two lines constitutes a limerick, and I'm pretty sure you care less than I do about it.)

I Don't Want

...to overstate the obvious, but eggs are REALLY, REALLY GOOD.