Thrift Store: Stuffed Eiffel Tower

...for when you've outgrown your stuffed Hoover Dam.

LONG LIVE SOCIALIST DEMOCRACY!

Today I bought a new/old Polaroid Spectra camera. It was the top-o'-th'-line back in the 80s.

My li'l sis took this one of me in mom's bathroom. I really like how the Spectra automatically does "vignetting," or darkening at the edges of the picture.

I didn't alter this photo in Photoshop or anything. Swear to "god."

New Underwear Lane Comic

There's a new one, all right.

Raisinette in the Sun

Jesus must be rolling over in his grave.

Caption, anyone?

I Now Have A Camera Phone

Tonight, I turned down two offers to go to really fun-sounding parties so I could help my ex-girlfriend move furniture and assemble a really heavy bookcase.

That's how I roll.

I know it kind of ruins the story, but afterwards she bought me dinner at my favorite Cuban restaurant, Versailles (see above camera photo).

One of Cardinal Richelieu's Most Unscrupulous Agents

I was at a party last night and some of the guests were in another room, playing with a Ouija board that someone had made a using a piece of cardboard and a shotglass. I don't believe in ghosts at all, and I've never played with a Ouija board before.

At one point in the evening, a few of us went into the bedroom to play with the board. At first, a girl and I both had our fingers on the glass and nothing happened. I think it was because whenever I felt the glass start to move a little, I knew it wasn't me, so I'd say, "You're moving it," and she'd deny it, but it would stop moving. She's a good friend, so I guess I felt comfortable openly accusing her of cheating.

A bit later, though, I tried it with a guy I 'd never met before, and a girl that I don't really know that well, and when the glass started moving, it wasn't obvious who was doing it. I know it wasn't me, though.

The girl was obviously well acquainted with spirit world etiquette, and she was asking "it" questions, but the glass just spelled out gibberish. She very sympathetically asked, "Are you confused?" At that point, "it" started spelling out, "F-U, F-U, F-U," repeatedly. Then she asked, "Do you want us to leave you alone," and the glass shot over to the "Goodbye" word.

I totally think all that stuff's bullshit, but I fully got the proverbial willies! The girl played it off so well, as if she really thought she was talking to a "ghost." I realized then that part of the reason the Ouija board "works" is because the participants unconciously cooperate, so as not to spoil the fun for everyone else.

That's my theory anyway. Pretty smart, huh?

Immediately afterward, in the next room, I was talking to a guy who had watched the "seance" thing, and he was telling me about how he's convinced his house is haunted. I very respectfully made it really clear that I don't believe in "ghosts" or whatever and I asked him to describe what kinds of stuff happened at his house. He cited instances of finding a door unlocked when he knew he had locked it.

I said, "A skeptic would say that you just forgot to lock the door."

He said, "But I always lock that door. I lock it every single day."

As an example, I said, "Well, sometimes, you'll be walking around and you'll notice that your zipper is down, right? But you'd swear you didn't leave it down. We go to the bathroom several times a day, and it seems like it'd be automatic for us to zip up every time, but sometimes we just forget."

With that, I looked down and my fly was open.

Swear to "god."

Friend Roman Countryman

In response to numerous complaints, I fixed the Lincoln block portrait. There were a couple of orange Post-its where light blue ones should have been, and vice-versa.

Happy?

Miscreants & Fussbudgets

Hey, bastards! There's a brand-new Underwear Lane comic. Don't ask me how I did it, but this one doesn't contain even one f-word.

I promise, it'll never happen again.

Go To Chapel, Get Married

Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out

I see some of you glaring jealously at me at school and in the mall.

Just because I have more luxurious facial hair than you, and just because I've chosen to nurture it in a manner that you hadn't thought of, and just because you're suddenly filled with a burning desire to copy my beard's exact look but you know it would take you months to get your facial hair to this point IF you even had the stamina to go unshaven for months and IF you didn't fuck it up miserably in the process and by then you'd probably see someone else whose look you'd decide to rip off anyway you shouldn't hate me.

Go hate somebody else for a change. Go glare at somebody with mutton chops or a handlebar moustache.

Or a Fu Manchu.

Shitty Haircuts Are Still "In," Right?

OK, here we go.

I haven't been writing here very much lately, as you may have noticed, and I kind of don't want to get too personal on this little "blog" thing, but I thought I'd toss out a few tidbits of "news," for the benefit of anyone who cares.

I had the crappiest holiday season ever. I'll go chronologically.

I quit my "day job," which was actually one of the best decisions I've ever made, but it was just kind of stressful to cut myself off from my income source around the holidays like that. The work was boring, boring, boring, but most of my other coworkers loved it, and worked through lunch every day, stayed until 8:00 every night, came in on the weekends, and worked from home every evening, all for free. I started hating all the self importance, and the passive/aggressive guilt trips. I got fed up and quit just before Xmas. I'm never working for a place like that again. I'm currently going to school full-time, which is good because I'll actually finish soon.

My grandmother died, and that sucked, as you can probably imagine. She went into the hospital on Xmas and I visited her almost every day. She died last month. It was really depressing.

What else? Oh yeah. My girlfriend and I broke up. It's really as amicable as this type of thing could possibly be, but I've been pretty much devastated. We were together a long time, and we really care about each other a lot. We're trying our best to be friends, and so far so good. Nothing "happened," neither of us did anything "bad" to the other, neither of us "hooked-up" with the other's friends.

It still really sucks, though.

All right. Thanks for "listening." Happy Saint Patrick's Day, b'gosh and begorrah!

Bonds: Rate-Cut Expectations Fall by Wayside

This is us, back in November at the Unurban in Santa Monica, courtesy of the ever-patient Laura. She actually recorded an entire song, in a really good manner, but it was too big to upload to Youtube, and I was too lazy to fix it, so here you go.

Enjoy!

Our Next Show

Are you guys doing anything this Friday evening, the 2nd of March (TO-NITE)?

Good, because The Gold State is playing our first show of the year at Sacred Grounds, here in San Pedro.

Oh yeah, did I mention it's free? No, I know I didn't mention it yet, but it is free. How much would you expect to pay for something like this? Doesn't matter, because it's free regardless.

So maybe we'll see you there, right?

Oh, wait a second. Did I mention that we're playing with my favorite band, The Black Heartthrobs? No, I don't think I mentioned that, but it's true. You're probably thinking that you'll have to pay something in order to watch them, right? It's totally understandable that you'd think that, but you can watch both The Gold State and The Black Heartthrobs for free.

How can we do this?

Robot wizards. That's how.

Friday, 02 Mar 2007
The Black Heartthrobs - 8:00
The Gold State - 9:00
Sacred Grounds
468 W. 6th St., San Pedro, California 90731
Cost : Free
All Ages

Happy Weird Valentine's Day

Make your own here.

New Underwear Lane Comic

There's a brand-new Underwear Lane posted, so hang on to them hats and glasses, folks, 'cause this here's the wildest webcomic in the wilderness!

Tonight's Fortunes

Scent-of-a-Woman-Al Pacino

I've got a beard, a beard with an almost-capital "b." I am, quite possibly, the beardiest I've ever been in my life, and that's saying a lot.

I rode out the itchy stage where I constantly fought the urge to run into the bathroom to buzz it off. That was torture.

You set little benchmarks for yourself when you're struggling with whether to shave a beard or not. For example: "I can't shave it now, I've gone past the Brian Wilson stage, and now it's Mike Love. I'll shave it when it's Carl. Definitely before Dennis."

This Current Year

Underwear Lane

There's a brand new, "funny," webcomic "out there" called Underwear Lane. Why don't you go check it out?

It's guaranteed to put a smile on your face and nowhere else.

Mortar Pedestal

Question: What's the most jaunty article of clothing or accessory?