I see some of you glaring jealously at me at school and in the mall.Just because I have more luxurious facial hair than you, and just because I've chosen to nurture it in a manner that you hadn't thought of, and just because you're suddenly filled with a burning desire to copy my beard's exact look but you know it would take you months to get your facial hair to this point IF you even had the stamina to go unshaven for months and IF you didn't fuck it up miserably in the process and by then you'd probably see someone else whose look you'd decide to rip off anyway you shouldn't hate me.
Go hate somebody else for a change. Go glare at somebody with mutton chops or a handlebar moustache.
Or a Fu Manchu.
2 comments:
Man just couldn't leave his facial hair alone. No, he must sculpt it into Topiary animals and pleasing shapes.
Consider, if you will, the common mustache. Tease it. Nominate it for President. Ponder its sublime absurdity.
I like how people groom birth mark hair the most. It's impossible to eat salad while thinking about it. I'm just being honest.
Thanks for writing this.
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